


When I am Weak

by orphan_account



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Canon Compliant, Hurt/Comfort, Kageyama Tobio is a Good Boyfriend, M/M, Slightly ooc kageyama because he is suddenly good with words, Soft bullshit, Tsukishima Kei is Bad at Feelings, talk of depression, tsukishima kei has anxiety
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-12
Updated: 2020-05-12
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:15:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,410
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24136468
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Tsukishima is having doubts about himself and this is one argument Kageyama will not lose.
Relationships: Kageyama Tobio/Tsukishima Kei
Comments: 5
Kudos: 170





	When I am Weak

**Author's Note:**

> Im having a mental breakdown so Tsukishima is too

“We need to break up.”

Kageyama looks up from his math homework, not sure if he heard the mumbled voice correctly. “What did you just say?” He asks his boyfriend, who is sprawled on Kageyama’s bed, hands fidgeting in his lap, and eyes fixed on the ceiling.

“We need to break up,” Tsukishima’s voice states again, hardly louder, but Kageyama is paying attention now, so he hears it clearly.

“Why would we need to do that?” Kageyama replies, not sure what is going on.

“I think it would be better for both of us,” the blonde says. His glasses aren’t on, his unfocused gaze staring up at blank white. Kageyama stands and moves to the bed, perching himself on the edge of it. He doesn’t say anything, just pauses to look at Tsukishima. The middle blocker is chewing his lip, an anxious habit Kageyama had been trying to help put an end to, his eyes are squinting, and his hands are gripping at each other.

“You’re wrong,” Kageyama responds, it comes out more aggressive than he wanted it to.

“Why? What do we have going for us Kageyama? What benefits do we get from doing this?” Tsukishima sits up. He doesn’t put on his glasses.

“Does dating me not make you happy? Because it makes me happy! I like being with you, even when you’re correcting my math homework. I like watching movies and stuff with you and cuddling on the couch. I like walking with you and the team after practice to go get meat buns and getting to hold your hand! I thought you did too. Does none of that mean anything to you?” Kageyama argues.

“No, that’s not what I meant! I just- I don’t know! I think that maybe things would be better if we weren’t together.” Tsukishima still doesn’t look at Kageyama. The setter takes the blonde’s glasses off his bedside table and pushes them towards him. Tsukishima shakes his head.

“Why won’t you wear them? You can’t even look at me while you do this? Tsukishima, put them on,” Kageyama urges.

“No.”

“You’re going to have to look me in the eye if you want me to believe you.” The raven pushes the glasses towards him again.

“No,” Tsukishima’s voice wavers.

“Why not?!”

“I can’t.”

“Kei? Put your glasses on and look at me,” Kageyama orders.

“Fuck off, King!” Tsukishima yells, “Why don’t you understand what I’m trying to tell you? We need to break up! Are you too stupid to comprehend that?”

“I’m not stupid Kei. This whole time you’ve been saying ‘we need to break up.’ Not ‘I want to break up’ not ‘I don’t like you anymore.’ You won’t look at me, you’re chewing your lip again, and your voice keeps breaking like you’re about to cry. I know you use insults as a defense mechanism, so there is something you’re trying to hide from me. I need you to be honest and tell me what this is really about so that we can figure it out together, okay?” Kageyama pulls Tsukishima’s hands into his, rubbing over the knuckles, coaxing them out of the tight fists he had squeezed them into. As the older relaxes, his eyes become glassy with tears.

“I don’t-” the blonde looks down. He pulls his hands out of Kageyama’s and takes his glasses out of the setter’s lap. “Want you to have to put up with me-“ he pushes glasses onto his nose. “When I’m like this.” Tsukishima looks up to meet Kageyama’s eye for the first time during this conversation. 

Kageyama frowns. “When you’re like what?”

The blonde blinks, it pushes the tears out of his eyes. “Weak,” he mutters, “y’know. When I can’t take care of myself. When I’m overwhelmed so I yell at you. When I can’t bring myself to get up and play volleyball with you and all I can do is lay in my bedroom in the dark and nap. I’m not a good boyfriend Tobio! You deserve better!” He isn’t sobbing, only an occasional tear slips out of his golden eyes.

“Let me get the right. You think we need to break up because you don’t think I should have to put up with your bad moods?”

“I’m a burden on you Tobio. I take time away from extra practice with Hinata because you come to take care of me and I-“

Kageyama pulls Tsukishima’s hands into his again. “First of all Kei, that’s not your decision to make, okay? If you are burdening me then it is my choice whether or not to let you, not yours.” 

“But you like me so you’re biased, I just need you to understand that-“

“Kei you hate yourself! You’re more biased than I am!” The raven laughs bitterly at his own bluntness. Tsukishima looks surprised. “If I didn’t want to be with you then I wouldn’t be. That’s a fact. I don’t see taking care of you sometimes as a bad thing. And if you want to talk about burdens, then what about me always demanding your help studying? Hinata and I make you stay late all the time to block for us. I make you explain jokes that I don’t get and ruin them for you! What’s that thing your brother said once? Relationships are a... uh?” Kageyama trails off, forgetting what it was Akiteru said. “Never mind, doesn’t matter!” Tsukishima snorts a short laugh. “And don’t act like all this shit is new information that I’ve never considered. I knew you were an asshole when I confessed, I knew you were a mess when I kissed you for the first time, and I know that you have bad days and that you don’t eat if no one reminds you to and you take more naps than you should just so you don’t have to be awake, but guess what Kei?”

“... What?”

“Knowing all of that, I’m still going to tell you that I’m in love with you for the first time, because I am, and I need you to know that.” Tsukishima’s eyes opened wide behind his glasses and his lips trembled into a smile. “I don’t want to break up with you. I don’t think we need to. I want to be there for you, but I do think you need to talk to your mom about seeing a professional because I’m an idiot with a volleyball for a brain so I won’t be as much help. But I’ll be there to support you and cook for you and cuddle you in your bed even if I might fall off because the pile of dinosaur plushies takes up so much space. But I’ll risk it because I love you and I want you to be happy and see yourself as more than enough for me just like I do, okay?” Kageyama brings his hands up to wipe the tears off Tsukishima’s face before wrapping his arms around his waist and pulling him close.

“Okay,” the blonde responds softly, muffled by Kageyama’s shoulder. He shifts into the setter’s lap, wrapping his long legs around Kageyama’s torso to make their position more comfortable. “I love you too Tobio.” The raven pushes against Tsukishima until he lays back, they roll to the side so that their heads are on the pillows looking at each other. The middle blocker’s legs tangle in Kageyama’s and the setter’s arms tighten around his waist.

Kageyama leans forward and presses a soft kiss to Tsukishima’s lips. They taste mostly like strawberry lip balm with a tinge of iron from a split he had chewed into his skin. 

“‘M sorry,” the blonde whispers, “You’re right. I should have talked to my mom a long time ago. Can you come over this weekend and help me?”

“Of course.” Kageyama pressed another kiss to his forehead, then removes his glasses to allow them to sleep comfortably. “One more thing because I got so wrapped up in everything else I forgot to say it. You aren’t weak, Kei. You’re a kick ass blocker and a really good student. You work really hard even when your body and brain are past their tipping point. You are very strong and you amaze me everyday.”

The middle blocker doesn’t respond, feigning sleep, but a ghost of a smile betrays him. Kageyama sets an alarm to wake them up at a reasonable time for dinner, then buries his head in Tsukishima’s hair to fall asleep.


End file.
